Part 8 of a longer reflection on self-reliance, inner state, and how we relate to reality.
Looking at self-reliance differently
After going through prediction, mental models, prediction errors, and emotions, I started seeing self-reliance in a different way. Not as independence from the world. Not as complete control over myself.
But as the ability to continuously update how I understand reality and my place within it.
Self-reliance is not about being right
Self-reliance does not mean never being wrong. For me, it means something else: being able to notice the moment when I am wrong without immediately running away from it.
Daily life rarely looks dramatic
These moments are usually small. A conversation goes differently than I expected. An emotion appears that feels “out of place”. Fatigue arrives sooner than I planned. Tension remains, even after I explain everything logically.
None of these situations automatically mean that something is wrong with me. Maybe they simply mean: a model stopped working.
A small shift
So practice begins with a small shift in attention.
Instead of asking:
How do I fix this?
I can ask:
What exactly did I predict that makes this feel surprising?
A moment of pause
Instead of immediately reacting — defending, explaining, avoiding, accelerating — I can stop for a moment.
Not to analyze everything. Just long enough to let awareness do its work.
Naming experience
Sometimes even naming what is happening changes something:
“I feel tension.”
“I feel anger.”
“Something in me doesn’t fit.”
Naming experience does not solve everything. But it can reduce confusion.
It can organize signals coming from the body into something I can work with.
Self-reliance is not loneliness
I also started noticing something else. Self-reliance does not mean isolation.
My models of the world are built with other people. Relationships constantly shape them.
A conversation can become one of the fastest ways to update predictions — if I stop treating it as a fight over who is right.
Practice already happens
This practice does not require special conditions.
It happens:
in the kitchen,
at work,
during conflict,
during fatigue,
inside ordinary moments.
Not outside life. Inside it.
Inner state is not the goal
From this perspective, inner state itself is not really the goal. It becomes more like an indicator.
If my models become rigid, my inner state usually becomes worse.
If they become more flexible and more accurate, more stability appears. Even during difficult situations.
No perfect theories
At this point, I’m no longer looking for perfect theories. Or final answers.I’m looking for predictions that are good enough: good enough to function, to learn,
and to stay in relationship — with myself and with other people.
One final thing
Nobody can do this work for me.
No system.
No method.
No teacher.
No “guru”.
Others can help me organize ideas. They can inspire me.
But the moment of noticing, pausing, and updating —
always happens on my side.
Closing this part
Self-reliance is not about finding someone who will fix me. It is about staying with myself long enough to notice where my predictions stop working.
This text is only a starting point.
Because this work begins in me. But it keeps unfolding in my relationship with reality and other people.
That is why it is difficult.
And that is exactly why it is possible.
This closes the first reflection series.
The questions continue.
Pawel Kosinski
AI-assisted translation
You can find all English texts here:
If you want to explore this in your own experience, you can find a simple space for that here:
Propasja 